Whatever
by she used to be broken
Summary: True Story. Rin is raped at her boyfriends house by his stepbrother. He doesn't realize what happened and feels betrayed. Rin finds out she is pregnant? How will she live hiding her tragedy? Will she ever have the man she loves back? R
1. Chapter 1

The holiday season was a time meant for happiness. It was supposed to be time that you spent together with the people you loved and cherished. Sometimes the worst things happen to people during these _happy _times. A world could crumble away. Being alone with the wrong person for just an hour was enough to ruin a life, enough to break someone's entire state of mind. It was cold outside, but not the kind of cold that made you uncomfortable. It was just cold enough to allow flurries of snow to fall from the sky. It was in a small house in suburbia that was in populated by two girls. It was getting dark out the sky darkening with violet and navy blue. The older girl was sixteen, she dressed in scrubs and her long black hair was tied in a neat ponytail. There were deep bags underneath her eyes and a tired sigh left her lips.

"Rin I'm telling you. It's late and cold. I don't want you to go." she said to a younger girl who sat wearing a short plaid skirt and white blouse.

"I really want to see him. You know he just got back in the country and I haven't seen him." Rin complained.

"I really don't think you should even be seeing him. He's too old for you and it's late. You should stay home." the older girl said as she pulled the bow from her hair.

"My relationship isn't any of your business!" Rin yelled with anger in her hazel eyes.

"Oh yes it is! I'm your guardian-" Kagome started.

"**You aren't my mother.**" Rin walked towards the door.

"Fine do what you want. Don't come crying to me when he gets what he wants and leaves you." Kagome said as she turned on her heel towards the stairs. Rin walked out the door, not forgetting of course to slam it behind her.

"She doesn't know anything..." Rin whispered to herself as she pulled her jacket over her arms. She rubbed her arms as she walked down the street in her _a little too short jean skirt_ and her _a little too old for her blouse_. It was the classic phase of a young teen trying to appear older than their age. There was a _little too much mascara_ clumped on her already long eye lashes, along with a _little more than enough eye liner. _How could she defend herself in this kind of situation? The only thing she could say but would never admit was that she was a little afraid of the age difference between her and her boyfriend. Her fourteen to his seventeen, she constantly asked herself how she had gotten so lucky. It wasn't every day that a freshman girl had somehow managed to capture the attention of an upperclassmen. Not to mention he was _crème de la crème_, walking perfection.

"I hope he isn't too tired from his flight." Rin said to herself when she noticed snowflakes were falling lightly everywhere. The walk was a little bit farther than she had anticipated when leaving her house. A smile caught on to her lips however as his house came into sight. She'd never been there alone with him. She shook her head with a light blush covering her cheeks. She readied herself with her hand ready to knock on the mahogany door. She could hear his velvet like voice. It was deep and obviously belonged to a male who'd already been through puberty. Rin's chest tightened with excitement at seeing him again. Finally her knuckles made light contact with the door. She could hear his footsteps draw near and the handle turn.

"Rin? What are you doing here?" he asked, his amber eyes were confused, but not angry.

"I just wanted to see you since you just came back." She smiled.

"I'm about to go to the doctor. I came back with a cold and my father insists that I get it check out." Sesshoumaru said. Her eyes didn't leave his for a second not even to admire the silver locks that poured down his back in a well knotted braid.

"Do you mind if I wait for you here?" she asked.

"I don't know…I mean it's just my brothers here." Sesshoumaru said, it wasn't really Inuyasha who worried him. Rather it was his stepbrother, Naraku, who gave him need to worry. Naraku always had his eyes on the freshman girls despite his being a senior. He expected that it was because most of them were more likely to be virgins. Not to mention most of them had been quite eager for him to be her first. It was rare when there wasn't a girl at their house with Naraku. Tonight however was one of those rare occasions.

"I'll just play with your play station in your room. They won't even know I'm here." She insisted.

"I'll be back in an hour or two." He told her, he didn't feel right about it but decided against it. He knew he had a hard time denying her what she wanted.

"Well, why don't I come with you?" Rin asked. Sesshoumaru thought about what he had to get checked out and a blush almost fell on his cheeks.

"I really think it would be best if you wait for me. Or I could go to your house later." he suggested.

"Well, I guess so. I'll wait here, just call if you think it will take longer." Rin smiled. His lips tapped hers as he headed out the door. Rin sighed a little as she walked into the room he shared with his step brother. Rin grabbed the game she always played when she stayed at his house. Some snowboarding game. She looked at the time with a small smile. **8:32pm**. A breath left her lips smoothly as the screen booted up with her saved character. That was when Naraku, aged one year older than her boyfriend walked into the room. She could feel a soft depression on the bed beside her. She looked at him with a small smile.

"Hey." she said turning back to the game.

"You look really pretty, tonight." he complimented. Rin smiled.

"Thank you." she mumbled as she began to play the game.

"I was wondering something about you." he said, there was a heaviness in his eyes.

"What?" she asked her eyes still glued to the screen.

"Are you a virgin?" he had the question so bluntly that Rin froze in shock. She could feel his hand rest right above her knee. She absentmindedly nodded. He smiled at her, while a cold chill ran down her back. It was uncomfortable and made her feel as though she had to get out of there. So she stood and began walking towards the door slowly hoping that he wouldn't follow. Her hopes were crushed however when she reached the door. She could feel him behind her pressing against the door so she wouldn't be able to open it. He locked it and grabbed her arms roughly pushing her against the door now. She stomped on his foot and tried to unlock the door. '_This isn't happening!' _Rin thought frantically as she fumbled with the lock, her fingers shaking as Naraku groaned a little.

"**Inuyasha! Inuyasha!**" she screamed desperately.

* * *

Inuyasha was sitting in his room, in a rolling chair. In front of him was his laptop, and in his ears a pair of ear buds blasting his rock music. A smile crossed his face as he looked at the screen. He was instant messaging his girlfriend, Kikyou. He tapped his foot to the beat of the song. Not a sound could be heard with his new headphones specially made to block out all other sounds whilst in use.

* * *

"He can't hear you." Naraku said as he ran his hand up the nape of her neck grabbing her hair as close to the root as he could. She thrashed away from him, but he was strong as he threw her down on Sesshoumaru's bed. Her hazel eyes were filled with tears as he sat on top of her. She was on her back. '_This is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up. I'm going to wake up I know it._' she thought closing her eyes tightly. She could feel his hand press on either side of her cheeks forcing her mouth open. His lips crashed down on top of her own. His tongue diving right inside. She bit him hard, he became furious after that, he sat up and back handed her hard. She could see stars for a moment before she realized the he was roughly pulling away her blouse.

"Please! Stop! I don't want to!" she cried a sob falling from her.

"Then why are you dressed so damn...it's like you wanted me to do this." Naraku said running his hands over her breasts, which were still cover by the material of her bra. He pulled her up slowly as he reached his arm behind her to unhook it. A scream left her lips as she kicked around trying to free her hands from his knees. '_Somebody please! I need to wake up!'_ she thought as tears fell from her eyes. '_Please someone help me!' _she thought.

"If you stop now. I won't tell anyone anything!" she pleaded.

"If you tell anyone I'll kill you." he whispered in her ear his hot breath send spikes of fear through her. She froze.

"**Please! Please! Please! Stop!**" she begged him screaming. His arm grabbed her now uncovered chest hard, she gasped as sobs left her miserably.

"It's going to feel great, well for me." he said to her as he pulled her skirt up. He turned over and pulled her panties down to her ankles.

"**No!No! Please! Oh God! Please!**" she cried as he propped her knees under her.

"I bet you're real tight." he said as he plunged into her. Rin could feel something tear through her, it burned like fire, it felt like the ripping of expensive velvet. He pressed her head against the pillow as he pumped in and out of her roughly. Rin could feel her body heaving as she sobbed it didn't feel like she was there. '_No one is coming for me. No one...this is really happening._' she thought she tried to distance herself from reality looking at the clock. **8:57pm**. She could feel a heat build up inside her as she sobbed. She could her lungs start crying for air. She breathed in fast and deeply. She could feel moans climb up her throat through the sobs that left her also left the moans. '_Disgusting...I am so worthless. How could I react to him so..._' her thoughts were interrupted with his release inside her. She thought maybe he would be done now. She tried to slow her breathing but she felt him enter her again. By the time he was truly finished, the clock read **9:40**.

"I was right. Thanks Rin, for your virginity I mean." he said as he pulled his pants up with a zip and button. Rin laid there motionless for fifteen minutes staring into the depths of the digital clock.

"You should get dressed." Naraku said.

"I mean you won't want him to find out how you slept with me, about how you deprived him his right." he said. Rin stood slowly despite the intense pain between her legs. She looked at the floor as she dressed herself, feeling the nakedness the outfit left. She felt as though she would never be covered enough. _'He's right I asked for this...I asked for this because I'm worthless._' she thought with as she grabbed a wet wipe from the desk drawer and cleaned her blood trickled thighs along with other bodily fluids that didn't belong to her. She sat down at the edge of Sesshoumaru's bed.

"Let's not let him know it happened on his bed either." Naraku said. Rin began to sob as she looked at her knees, which were held together tightly.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I apologize for the long wait. I've just been working really hard and taking care of Nero. That little by is a rebel. **

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Rin did not know how long she sat there staring into the bedroom door which now gaped open. She stood slowly the pain was evident in her steps. The bathroom was only a few short feet away but to her walking them felt like a mile. Every she took made it seem like the distance was farther. She raised her arms to forming bruises with another bought of tears falling from her eyes. '_I don't deserve him...now._' she thought sadly as she reached the bathroom. The door knob was cool against her fingers she thought as she opened the door.

Inside the excessively large bathroom was a bathtub, complete with jets. A toilet and two mirrors with two sinks beneath them. '_I need to leave._' she thought as she washed her face of all the makeup. Despite her now clean face she felt still covered up by filth. She washed herself some more, her arms and face again. Rin's hazel eyes stared into the mirror seeming as though she were staring into a black hole.

"Hey! I didn't know you were here Rin." Inuyasha greeted her taking his head phones out of his ears.

"I've been here for at least an hour. I was in Sesshoumaru's room." Rin said with a fake smile.

"Was Naraku being mean to you? You look as though you've been crying." he asked her.

"It's nothing at all really. I'm a girl, you know we are very emotional." She tried to joke as tears came to her eyes.

"Well, Sesshoumaru should be back soon." Inuyasha raised a brow suspiciously and walked towards the kitchen.

"I know." Rin whispered. '_I don't want him to see me this way._' Rin thought, but no sooner than that thought passed through her mind did he walk through the front door.

"Inuyasha, where's Rin?" she could hear his voice, her body tensed as she froze using the sink to hold herself up.

"I think she was in the bathroom." the younger brother answered. Rin sunk to her knees and looked up when she saw steps walk towards the bathroom. Then she saw him there in the door way with his glittering ruby eyes. Her demon.

"Hey Rin I just thought I should tell you, that you were good and thanks. It was priceless. I didn't think it would be so easy. I don't think that we could ever be a couple thanks. I'm sure Sesshoumaru will enjoy your moves." Naraku smirked as he spoke the words loud. Her eyes filled with tears. She heard a plastic bag drop to the floor. Rin's pupil dilated with pure desolation as more tears dripped over the edge of her rim. Naraku smiled at her and walked the hall way towards his room.

Sesshoumaru's steps were slow and with each one he was calculating trying to find a different meaning than what those words pointed to. '_One, my world is cracking slowly. Two, I'm falling deeper. Three, I cannot see. Four, If he hates me I have nothing at all. Five, I am nothing at all._' she thought with every step. Then he appeared looking like an angel in the door. The light pouring down on his silver hair. His eyes were wide with shock. It was the first time she'd ever seen such a face. The only words that came to her were incriminating.

"It's not what you think..." she began realizing what a horrible way to begin a sentence. To begin a sentence that was meant to defend you.

"Why are you crying?" Sesshoumaru knelt down to look at her, but she couldn't stand for him to see her face. She looked away flinched at his touch.

"I'm sorry." she sobbed forcing herself to look at him.

"For what? **Is it true?**" he urged her.

"I'm so sorry." she heaved standing up. He watched the faltering in her legs that told him all that he was looking for. The light limp the slow movement. The way she moved. It all spelled out what he thought when he had heard the words leave his brother's lips.

"I don't ever want to see you here again. Don't even talk to me." Sesshoumaru said coldly, with hard eyes.

"Inuyasha call Rin a taxi." he said turning on his heel. Rin grabbed the soft material of his shirt with desperation. He pulled his arm away roughly looking back for a moment into her misery racked eyes and then he was gone. Inuyasha looked at Rin who was now sobbing in heap on his bathroom floor, the sounds disturbed him. He wanted to help her but he couldn't and he knew it. It was too late. '_So cold...I never knew he could be so cruel._' Rin thought as she felt someone shake her arm. She turned fast hoping it was Sesshoumaru. Instead the amber eyes of Inuyasha looked back into hers.

"What happened?" Inuyasha asked with wide eyes.

"_I don't want to talk about it_." Rin whispered pulling herself up. The sound of a car horn blaring brought Inuyasha back to attention.

"Give him a few days to cool off." Inuyasha said handing her the jacket she'd worn there. She wrapped it around herself and held onto it tightly. '_He hates me now..._' Rin thought as she walked out of the house and towards the taxi. Inside sat a woman with short red hair. Rin got in the car. Her entire outward appearance reflected her inner feelings. Destroyed. She was beginning to form a bruise on her eye and lip. The cab driver kept looking in the mirror with this look of pity that made her uncomfortable. It was making her think about what just occurred and she couldn't stop herself from beginning to sob again.

"Are you doing okay?" the cab driver pulled over for a moment. Rin looked up with annoyed eyes.

"I'm fine. Just keep driving." she snapped, the woman just smiled at her kindly. Rin was shocked at how hostile her voice sounded when she had spoken the words.

"Listen, I'm not trying to get in your business, but you look like you could use someone to talk to." the read headed woman said.

"I have friends to talk to." Rin mumbled.

"How many will be able to relate to you?" she said.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Rin lied her voice shaking. The woman began driving towards Rin's house again. '_She can't possibly know._' she thought.

"It's obvious to someone like me." the woman said.

"**You don't know anything!**" Rin shouted.

"My name is Leah. Take my card if it ever gets to be too much to keep to your self." she handed her the taxi card that had her number written on the back in blue pen.

"I won't need it. Nothing's wrong." Rin said taking the card anyway.

"In case you do. Goodbye." Leah said driving off without asking for the fare. Rin knew that Kagome would be sleeping when she got home. Rin closed her eyes as she walked up the stairs to her bedroom. The walls were a sky blue with white trim. There were many pictures of her smiling with her friends. A whole collage dedicated to her and Sesshoumaru. Her breath caught in her throat at the thought of him, of his face. His cold words repeating in her head.

Rin tore off her clothes and walked to the bathroom. Now unclothed she could see the bruises on her pale skin, the remnants of blood on her inner thighs. She stared into her hazel eyes trying to pretend nothing was wrong but she felt as if something was crawling over all of her could feel the urge to scrub take over her. She looked at her reflection one more time and allowed a breath to escape her as she forced a smie.

"You are fine." she told herself as she turned on the shower. She held that smile until she was in the shower. She could see her reflection in a small mirror. It was then she felt how truly broken she was. She sobbed violently. She pulled the shower turning the water to the highest heat she could handle as she scrubbed herself leaving light scratche on her skin. She was frantic with her scrubbing. '_I still feel him..._' she thought as she stood up from the floor.

"Is it always going to feel ths way?" she asked her reflection. Rin shook her head and pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a tank top with a large cardigan. Rin threw herself in her bed. The warm covers and smooth sheets never felt so comfortable and terrifying. Just seeing a bed made her thinking of what had happened to her. But wrapping herself in her own bed made her feel like she was wrapped in a protective shell. '_I am my own mistake._' she thought. Sleep came rather quickly as she laid in the darkness of her room.

_Rin opened her eyes and felt like a brandnew person. Her hair was shining at her smile was bright. She went about her morning routine. A breath ran through her with a small smile. Rin dressed in her uniform and looked in the mirror. In her reflection the room was completely dark. Her face was not as she felt. She lifted a hand to her face and touched it feeling fine, but tears poure down the face of her reflection. Her skin was not wet as she touched it. She could feel something behind her, she stared into the mirror and saw Naraku. He was sitting on the edge of her bed. A smirk was painted on his face as he watched her every movement. _

_"Why are you in my room!" she yelled turning around to see no one there. She turned back to the mirror and he was getting off of the bed and walking towards her. She could feel her heart pounding inside her chest. The way her breath caught in her throat. She was breathing fast as his fingers laced around her arms. _

_"Get off of me" she said but found she could not look away fro the mirror. She could not escape as his hand roamed underneath her shirt. She could not move away, or push him, her body was frozen. She screamed and yelled loudly but felt as if no sound left her. _

Rin woke up with a cold feeling all over her body. The sweat covered her and her skin was warm to the touch. She could hear herself heaving. Her mouth was dry. She coud still feel him on top of her. Her eyes opened slowly just to assure herself that it was just a dream. That all of it was just a nightmare. She stood and turned on her light, only to wake to the bruises that looked much worse now that they had time to marinate.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Happy Valentines Day. I haven't been able to spend time on the computer so this has come a bit later than I planned. Thank you all for reading and I hope you all had a good Valentines. As for me mine was spent getting chocolate out of the furniture. **

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Rin suddenly became aware to the sound of knocking on her door. She could hear the worried voice of her sister calling to her,

"Rin? Are you alright?" Kagome asked from behind the door. Rin looked at the door and tried find words to speak.

"I'm fine." she said just below speaking level into the crack of the closed door.

"I heard you screaming." Kagome said unconvinced.

"I watched something scary and had a nightmare." Rin lied, with her heavy breathing making it seem more believable.

"Ok." Kagome said. Rin listened to Kagome's footsteps carry her towards her own room. It was still dark outside, the moon shone clearly letting blue slivers of light worm into Rin's room. Rin sat back down on her bed. She stared at the bruises on her arms, they were so clearly finger marks from being held down. She felt tears well up in her eyes as the event flooded back into her mind.

It was like hitting instant replay and she was living it all over again in slow motion. Rin threw herself on her back with a small sigh. She didn't want to sleep, but she was exhausted. Rin hadn't notice morning come. Not until Kagome knocked on her door to let her know she was leaving. Rin was never the type to skip school but she decided not to go for two weeks in a row. '_To be carried away from all this..._' Rin though she looked to where the mirror in her room stood. It was covered by a towel. She hadn't seen herself in days. She knew that if she were to look it would be instant reruns of her nightmare. She could tell that she had lost weight, how could she not she'd been surviving off the little snack bags in her book bag.

She could hear her sister enter through the front door of their house. Listening to how her heels dug into the floor with each step alerted Rin to her sister's temper. The school must have finally called her job. Rin sat there in her room knowing that she had betrayed Kagome's trust. She could feel her lungs tightening and a lump forming in her throat as she uncovered the mirror in her room. Kagome now took the stairs up to Rin's room and banged on the door violently. '_She's definitley pissed off._' Rin thought shaking her head. She resolved that she wouldn't open the door.

"**Rin you open this goddamn door now!**" Kagome yelled angrily.

"Leave me alone." Rin said through the crack. Kagome continued to bang on the door angrily.

"**I can't believe you're just throwing your life away. You haven't been to school in two weeks? Open this door!**" Kagome was fuming and Rin was getting a little bit scared, but she found herself unlocking and turning the knob. Kagome looked into Rin's eyes which were like pools of dull hazel filled with anguish. Kagome's own chocolate eyes softened to look at her.

"I don't know what's going on with you, but you need to pull your shit together." Kagome tried to stay calm looking at her sister.

"You don't know anything." Rin walking towards her bed.

"Did he leave you after he got what he wanted?" Kagome tried to be sensitive but found the spark of anger and misery in Rin's eyes told her a different story.

"**I'll tell you what. Why don't you have your childhood taken from you and then be treated like the lowest piece of shit on the planet. Then listen to some high and mighty bitch tell you to pull yourself together after you were...**" Rin stopped because the sobs tore into her words. Kagome looked at her with shock pulsing through her veins. The word was too much reality for her.

"Were what?" Kagome was almost positive of the answer.

"Just forget it." Rin whispered. Kagome grabbed her shoulders and stared into her eyes before wrapping her up in a tight tangle of her arms.

"We need to get you to a doctor. You have to be tested for pregnancy and diseases. Do you know who did this?" Kagome stiffened and nodded slightly.

"We have to file a police report." Kagome said as she stroked Rin's hair softly.

"I don't want to." Rin said.

"I won't make you do it, but...can't you tell me who did this?" Kagome asked.

"It doesn't matter, so please don't." Rin said trying to pull herself away from Kagome. Working in a hospital had it's advantages. It meant that Kagome could call in favors.

"I want you to get dressed, I'm taking you to the hospital." Kagome said.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to be pregnant." Rin shouted.

"Whether you go or not won't change that." Kagome said, she grabbed Rin and grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt. She brushed back the currently unruly mass of hair. Now held in a ponytail she could see how gaunt her sister's face had become.

"I'll get you some real food tomorrow, so tonight you'll have to eat some instant ramen." Kagome said.

"Don't make me go." Rin begged. '_I don't want to be seen like this. I don't want to be seen at all._' Rin thought as tears dropped down her cheeks.

"You are going!" Kagome was getting frustrated as she led Rin out to the outdated sedan. It was their mother's old car.

"I don't want to go." Rin said as she grabbed the car door handle. When they arrived at the emergency room entrance. Kagome still dressed in her scrubs walked straight through the doors went and grabbed the first doctor she saw.

"Doctor Taisho, I need you to have a look at my sister." Kagome said. Rin looked up in horror. Her eyes were wide and her pupils dilated.

"Rin, dear. I haven't heard your name in a long while." she smiled that radiant smile of hers. Now Rin had only met the woman once but she was unforgettable. Even at work she was eccentric looking. Her crystal blue eyes and long black hair held back in a braid with ribbons twined within.

"Now, what kind of check up is this?" she asked.

"My sister was attacked _sexually_. I want the blood tests on everything. I obviously want you to see if there is any physical evidence." Kagome said. Immediately, the woman's face darkened. The check up was very uncomfortable for Rin. Dr. Taisho lifted Rin's shirt just underneath her bra. After about a half hour of being tested and looked at Rin was sitting in a chair awaiting the results with Kagome holding her hand very tightly.

"There are remnants of bruises left all around her, some of the vaginal tissues are torn. So yes there is evidence that suggests forced entry but it's very minimal the tissue already seems to have healed for the most part. I can say that this. These are all things that could also point to strenuous activity. I can tell that you run, so it's safe to say that you are an athlete. This isn't enough to even open a solid case. At the end it would all come to he said she said." Dr. Taisho said.

"What about the blood tests?" Kagome asked.

"Well, here's the good news you have not one STD. In most cases a congratulations would be in order but I don't know that this is one of them. Rin, I know that this may seem like a curse right now especially after what you've been through but you are pregnant." the doctor said.

Rin could feel her world shattering. She broke down in to sobs.

"I want this to be on record. Everything." Kagome said.

"You should also look into her seeing a psychiatrist. She needs someone who knows how to deal with a victim of sexual abuse." Dr. Taisho suggested.

"WE don't need that. She just needs to come home. I will help her." Kagome said. Rin was now staring at a wall blankly. '_A baby? Not only did he ruin my relationship, he has ruined my entire life. I can never love anything that is of him. He's turned everything into shit..._' Rin thought with a hand cupping a non existent bump._ 'I don't want this...I never asked for this...I only wanted you Sesshoumaru._' Rin thought more tears falling from her eyes.

"We are going to get through this Rin. I love you and I will fix everything for you." Kagome promised hugging her tightly.


End file.
